Should you correct someone who gets your name wrong? Is it Rude?
What’s the proper business etiquette when networking?
An embarrassing story
Recently I had a meeting with Sharon, the director of a not for profit organization and Peggy the manager of a federal government department. It was the first time get-together for all of us to see if we might initiate some help for women in the community who were reentering the workforce.
Get it right, like me
Throughout the meeting Peggy kept referring to Sharon by the wrong name, she kept calling her Sara. I thought what an awkward situation.
Corrective behavior
I didn’t want to correct Peggy because it wasn’t my name she was messing up and besides, I didn’t want appear rude and embarrass her in front on Sharon. But Sharon didn’t say a word each time Peggy got her name wrong, so I left it at that. It seemed like the business etiquette thing to do.
A horrifying discovery
At the end of the meeting we all exchanged business cards. When I returned to my office I was about to add Sharon’s name into my contact management system when I made a horrifying discovery. Aaagh!
Whoops…
To my surprise and horror it was me that was calling Sharon by the wrong name… her name was actually Sara. Was I ever embarrassed. What did Sharon think? Was Peggy dying to correct me too? I couldn’t disregard my faux pas and appear rude so I wrote Sara an email apologizing for my gaff and she took it in stride. So what is your most embarrassing name mashing experience. We’d love to hear from you.
Proper business etiquette
In our business etiquette and networking courses people often ask how often they should correct someone who gets their name wrong. People have lots of options; they can ignore it like Sara (or do I mean Sharon, now I’m really confused) or they can choose to correct it. Good manners states that you don’t correct for someone else, let them do it or not themselves.
When once is not enough
We suggest if you do choose to correct that you don’t correct more than twice during a conversation. If they continue to get your name wrong just let it go (they’re not being rude on purpose). But the next time you meet them reintroduce yourself right away, emphasizing your correct name. The whole idea of manners vs. etiquette is that good manners is making the other person feel comfortable in your presence. Sara had great manners. What would you have done?
Hi Joanne,
here we go with my most embarrassing moment.
I was at an official reception at a university in Germany. I knew the guest of honour from my childhood, since he was a friend of my father. However, at home and among friends he was always referred to by a not so nice albeit very appropriate nickname! which I didn’t realize! So being polite and with good manners I greeted him at the function using his nickname. Dead silence in a room with at least 100 people waiting breathless for what was going to happen. He had a reputation for not having a good sense of humour especially when he was involved. He got out of this situation by loudly and formally introducing himself to me and he did so each time we met again thereafter.
I learned to always ask and not assume…
Karin
Hi Joanne,
What a humorous story at least from my perspective. Anyway, I’m sharing this story for my mother!! She very often calls me by her sister’s name (my aunt) and has done this through the years. It’s become funny to the point that I don’t even correct her anymore!!
Hi again Joanne,
Good thing I didn`t know at the time although I kept wondering why the male recruiter had grin on his face each time I answered a question or smiled. There was also this ackwardness after the interview (perhaps he wanted to mention it) which made me slip out my compact mirror as I left and sure enough there it was, a big glob of white, very noticable! Luckily, enough I did get placements.
Thanks for your reply.
Marie
This is hilarious!! Thanks for sharing Marie. This certainly tops my experience. Were you aware of it at the time or did you discover it later? If you discovered it later and it wasn’t completely visibile the interviewer may not even have noticed and it shouldn’t have affected your confidence level. By the ways, did you get the job… curious minds want to know? My reaction would have been to laugh it off and make a mental note never to do that again. In future, ask for a glass of water to keep you hydrated.
Hi Joanne, embarrassing as forgetting or calling someone the wrong name is, nothing tops my most embarrassing moment! Much to my chagrin, I believe I went through a 45 minute job interview with a piece of gum stuck to my front tooth! Yes, I know my faux pas was chewing gum in the first place (it helps with calming my nerves and preventing dry mouth) and then of course not doing a quick overall “check” to make sure everthing was in place so to speak! Wondering if I should have addressed this in my “thank you for the interview” email or just laughed it off.
Marie
Nadine,
We’re all human and need to cut one another some slack. You made a gaff, you apologized, which was the right thing to do, now be kind to yourself and move on. Chances are the person you slighted has no recollection of your unintentional faux pas.
Joanne, this really hits home for me. I know two women who are about the same age, who were both introduced to me by the same person at the same time in the same context. We worked together on a volunteer project, and our interactions were primarily over the phone.
It’s now years later, and I ran into one of the women at an event. To my dismay, I not only called her by the name of the other one, I actually introduced her to a third party by the wrong name!
I was mortified. I had no idea how to handle the situation other than apologizing profusely, and to this day, I feel uncomfortable about the way it was left. So my question is: what do you do when you are the one committing the name error? Is there any way to save the situation?
Thanks!
Nadine