posted Feb 21, 2012 in Etiquette & Manners / Movies & TV / by Terry Pithers / 0 comments

If You Are Too Polite, Will People Think You are Weak?

Celebrity Apprentice
Meekness vs aggressiveness

We don't watch much TV but the Celebrity Apprentice just started and it's a lot of fun to watch and learn. Most of our business etiquette training, image and networking presentations revolve about being more self-aware of how you come across to others. The Apprentice gives you amazing examples of social and business interactions and gaffes. Most of the time you gain tips about how to not build rapport. (We tape it on our PVR so that we can dissect and replay the fireworks.)

Too aggressive?

The first project leader for the men's side was Paul Teutul Sr. the massive and mustachioed star of motorcycle manufacturing reality series "American Chopper." His gruff street-fighter bullying style may work in his motorcycle shop but didn't go down well with all his teammates. Especially with George Takei a.k.a. Mr. Sulu of Star Trek.

Collision course, Mr. Sulu

Definitely a clash of personalities. Project leader Teutul interpreted Takei's reserve and good manners as "meekness" and started dissing him and repeatedly calling him "Hey Star Trek guy". He didn't treat any other team members this way and it bordered on bullying. He singled George out in the board room as "weak and meek".

Politeness can be mistaken

But Donald Trump later pointed out in the boardroom, that George is no pushover, referring to Takei’s childhood in a US internment camp for Japanese Americans during World War II and his ongoing public campaigning and support for Japanese Americans and the gay community.

The meek shall inherit… problems

People who have no history with you, who are used to a more rough-and-tumble (sometimes expletive driven) social intercourse, often interpret good manners as weakness. If you are getting off to a wrong start with an aggressive bullying person like Tutuel, you may have to up the ante by being direct. Our business etiquette advice is to point out to them that your style is different from theirs but you still will not tolerate rudeness or having your ideas dismissed.

Don't be afraid to be more assertive

George didn't stand up to himself until the boardroom. If he had called Teutul on the “Hey Star Trek guy” references, the first time he made them, I think he would've gained Teutul’s respect and the animosity would not have grown as it did.

Call people on rudeness

All George would've had to say was “Paul, I don't appreciate being called Star Trek guy. I don't call you chopper guy. My name is George and I'm a member of your team. I expect to be treated with the same amount of respect that I treat you.”

Advice for stronger relationships

Having good etiquette and being polite doesn't mean rolling over and taking guff or disrespect lying down. I have found that standing up and setting the ground rules early on in the relationship actually makes for stronger relationships with people like Paul Teutul. Stand up to a bully and they often become your best buddy or at least leave you alone,

Series Heads up

Fireworks to come
Celebrities that are bound to cause fireworks in the future episodes are "I'm extremely negative and I might have you killed." - Victoria Gotti (daughter of mafia boss, John Gotti) and "I'm the smartest guy in the room and I'm going to run things." - Penn Jillette.

Best and worst image awards
Sharpest in a business suit award for the first episode went to Lou Ferrigno aka, the very articulate Hulk (not always easy for a very muscular man to have a well-tailored suit that fits him right).

Most over-the-top hair awards (besides the Donald's) go to Victoria Gotti and Clay Aiken. (What's with Clay Aiken's hair? I kept expecting him to turn into Chucky the killer doll.)

Lots of fun to watch and learn Sunday nights. Click on links to get up to speed & watch free missed episodes on Global Canada and NBC.

Don't forget the Academy Awards this Sunday night. (We'll be watching in our tux pajamas)

Posted by Terry Pithers the business etiquette expert and polite but not meek guy

Photo © (S.Bukley) / Crestock